Suburban Rant: Pennysavers - The Bane Of Our Driveways

Every Saturday, come Hell or high water, rain or shine, the publisher of The Pennsaver distributes their weekly publications to every house in my neighborhood - and all 2 million homes on Long Island.

Whoever Came Up With The Concept Of Using Golf Umbrellas In Urban Settings: F.O.A.D.

Supposedly, lightning is the biggest hazard during a rainstorm -- not having your eyeballs ripped from their sockets by sidewalk SUVs.

Times have changed. For the past half dozen or so years, the ratio of conventional rain gear to golf umbrellas has continued to skew away from the side of sanity. Short of writing this worthless mini-rant, I'm helpless in either comprehending, avoiding or eliminating the wholesale use of these god-damned, Titleist & Big Bertha brand umbrellas on city sidewalks. I've been smacked upside the head 500x too often by these insensitive ombrophobiacs. My most recent wound is a decent sized, horizontal wound across my neck.

Living Like A Porko

It's kinda strange how differing factors can end up tying together into a neat little package. Add:

The fact we get tons of inane trade publications no one reads sent to the office
+ My inability to find long enough jeans (with a 36" inseam and a 31" or 32" waist size) in retail shops
Stir in a few fellow employees who pay no mind to addressee confidentiality

...And come up with a magazine that was hand delivered to my desk today called Living XL...

Nihilism Award To Linda Carlson: She's Here, She's Queer & She's In eHarmony's Face

Someone's got sand in their vagina. We all know there's not enough real discrimination that needs to be addressed. Linda Carlson feels it necessary to keep her California attorneys busy by suing eHarmony for not offering their internet match-making services to gays and lesbians.